I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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