I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
