You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
