You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
