Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
