I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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