Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
