yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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