I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
