I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
