woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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