The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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