Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
