I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize