I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
