apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize