Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
