Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
