When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
