I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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