you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
