i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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