well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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