He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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