it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
