i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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