I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
