I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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