the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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