Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
