____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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