please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize