I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
