Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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