i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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