I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
