You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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