No subtext here. People are naked.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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