This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
