Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
