My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
