Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
