areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
