we're blogging at a bar
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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