Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So vagazzling was a success
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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