i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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