i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
