Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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