I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
