I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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