Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
