did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
