True but thats because hes a fetus.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
