she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
