So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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