Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
