It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
