You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
