grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my shit smells like andre
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
