Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

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  (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41
  Replies (17) Good night (5953) Bad night (918)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?

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  (778): Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter? http://tfl.nu/1qb1
  Replies (19) Good night (4364) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling

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  (774): What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling http://tfl.nu/ijkr
  Replies (21) Good night (852) Bad night (5913) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,

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  (250): Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog, http://tfl.nu/g0c0
  Replies (22) Good night (863) Bad night (4251) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"

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  (510): And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work" http://tfl.nu/x4nq
  Replies (40) Good night (696) Bad night (10454) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.

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  (301): he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party. http://tfl.nu/uacy
  Replies (15) Good night (3882) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.

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  (330): I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now. http://tfl.nu/yqbr
  Replies (10) Good night (3427) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak

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  (847): he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak http://tfl.nu/y31q
  Replies (18) Good night (1155) Bad night (5125) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo

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  (630): i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo http://tfl.nu/10yt
  Replies (5) Good night (2482) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  oh. my. god. yes.

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  (360): i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life. (1-360): oh. my. god. yes. http://tfl.nu/jrnd
  Replies (14) Good night (5661) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become

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  (214): The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become http://tfl.nu/8je0
  Replies (6) Good night (2763) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

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  (540): I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night? http://tfl.nu/328v
  Replies (9) Good night (2412) Bad night (523)
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  (518): View more from New York

  HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.

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  (518): HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR. http://tfl.nu/dsxu
  Replies (12) Good night (1819) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....

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  (248): His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice.... http://tfl.nu/0jbe
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (1161)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!

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  (410): She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success! http://tfl.nu/k1zi
  Replies (10) Good night (1601) Bad night (404)

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