textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Its about making memories worth repressing
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.